honest, not good

for about a year or so, i was having issues with my foot. if you talk to me on a regular basis, you already know this. you know this story well. you may even know what i mean when I refer to ‘PF’ (plantar fasciitis). you probably got a bit tired of it. but you… Continue reading the pain clinic →

Now. I’ve written this next part down so many times I’m amazed that the story never changes. Maybe it’s just the story I’ve created in my head over the last 11 years, or maybe what actually happened is so entrenched that I’ll never forget it. Either way, this is how my version goes: I was… Continue reading 11 years ago today →

I stepped into the bathroom light, with the dress already on. The bathroom has two doors, the bathroom shared by two rooms. Like some kind of in-between state, a bardo. I looked into the mirror and thought to myself, this is the dress you’re wearing to your father’s funeral. Father? What makes a father? He… Continue reading father, non-father →

i want to go back to a time when i didn’t know about the jordan trail. a time when i wasn’t blistered, bruised, broken and beaten. a time when a toilet wasn't a luxury, a time when water was readily available, a time when my toenails weren’t threatening to fall off. but it’s too late.… Continue reading one step at a time →

it’s been over a month since i left new zealand. new zealand, new zealand. aotearoa. i didn’t want to fall in love with a place that everyone else falls in love with. i didn’t want to be impressed by your scenery or warmed by your people. i wanted to resent you for making me choose… Continue reading the beginning again →

how can i describe her to you? if you knew her, if you knew her at all, you’d surely agree with me: it was her smile that first won you over. we all knew this. it was a fact of the world. her big, white smile. you hoped that time would slow down each time… Continue reading my mother →

my parents couldn’t get pregnant. but they really wanted a baby. who doesn’t? screaming balls of flesh are joyous creatures, no? they were desperate. so my mom asked a friend to help her out. he did. she got pregnant with a baby who didn’t make it. i sometimes think about this would-be-older-sibling or would-be-replacement. i’m… Continue reading a short story about a long thing →

i remember my dreams. every morning i wake up and the intricate scene replays in my mind - often violent, always interesting, and of course, completely, perfectly explainable. i feel compelled to preserve this sacred story somehow, and because it’s morning and i’m in bed, getting up to scrounge for a pen and paper is… Continue reading the humans that made me →