one step at a time

i want to go back to a time when i didn’t know about the jordan trail. a time when i wasn’t blistered, bruised, broken and beaten. a time when a toilet wasn't a luxury, a time when water was readily available, a time when my toenails weren’t threatening to fall off. but it’s too late.… Continue reading one step at a time

the beginning again

it’s been over a month since i left new zealand. new zealand, new zealand. aotearoa. i didn’t want to fall in love with a place that everyone else falls in love with. i didn’t want to be impressed by your scenery or warmed by your people. i wanted to resent you for making me choose… Continue reading the beginning again

fifty-one days of zoloft

i wish i had never discovered the question: who am i? it plagues me. the more i probe it, the more i become incomplete. for the past year, i have tried to achieve simplicity, only to be faced with enormous effort. understanding is something that i love to do. it’s a gift and a suffering.… Continue reading fifty-one days of zoloft

in search of the truth

dear dad, for the first time since you died, i had a positive dream about you. i was playing hide and seek with my friends, we walked by your room, we saw that you were sleeping. ‘shhh, we don’t want to wake him,’ i said. we tiptoed quietly. you looked like you were right where… Continue reading in search of the truth

expatriate

I have been waiting for far too long. Since I first understood the concept of future, I have been waiting. All of the major stages in my life have been completed only to get to the next stage. Go to school to graduate and go to college. Go to college to graduate and get a… Continue reading expatriate

flaws

For the first time in my life, I wanted to die. I feel some uneasiness in recalling how much I suffered, as if thinking about it might bring it all back. I don’t know precisely how it started, or precisely how it ended, but for two weeks, it seemed to me that I could not… Continue reading flaws

roots

I have settled down. For four months I wandered—fearfully, but happily. And then somehow I ended up back where I started. With a house, a car, a full-time job, a local bank account, a library card, a handful of close friends (that’s an exaggeration). My clothes hanging loosely on wire hangers. A watercolor on my… Continue reading roots